Where Clint Started Everything and Can't Fury Get a Day Off For Once?
by cherryblossom1999
Summary: Where suddenly the Avengers are all turned into five-year-olds, toasters start attacking everything, Tony is a strangely adorable child, Fury is out of his depth, and this whole thing is all Clint's fault.


Where Clint Started Everything and Couldn't Fury Get a Day Off For Once?

Chapter 1

It all started when Barton (fucking Barton, seriously, why couldn't he just go off hunting rabbits or some shit like the Legolas he was deep inside) decided to pick a fight with Loki. Again. Honestly, Nick Fury was completely out of his depth. SHIELD had raised the white flag for once, and had asked for Loki to come for a completely blood-free meeting at the base. It was supposed to be a peace offering, the whole 'I know you're basically a super powerful giant fucking man child with daddy issues but we really don't want to be enemies so can we just get along' sort of thing.

Until Hawkeye decided to pop into the tightly sealed room with a twelve-digit keypad, retina recognition, fingerprints scan, and voice scan like it was child's play. Granted, he had dropped in using unorthodox methods, and by 'dropped in', he literally dropped in. From a vent. In the ceiling. (And didn't Fury ask Agent Hill to get all the vents in the Helicarrier completely Hawkeye-proof two weeks ago?)

Loki, who had been sitting idly in a chair he had conjured himself, leaning back and surveying his nails with an air of superiority, leapt up, golden reindeer antlers and armour shimmering into sight within milliseconds. Fury sighed, rolled his eyes, and stood up as Clint Barton dropped onto the ground, landing on his feet with cat-like accuracy.

"Agent Barton," Fury said, trying to keep his voice smooth and controlled while the Norse God of Mischief and Katniss were glaring daggers at each other from opposite sides of the room. "This is a confidential meeting, one you are not authorised to-"  
"Sorry, sir. I give my most heartfelt apologies," Barton grinned, and Fury felt like shooting him up the ass for the lack of respect he was currently showing, except for the fact that it was the first time Barton was seeing Loki ever since the issue where Loki played around in his brain for a little while, and Fury was nice enough to cut one of his top agents some slack.

"Wrong room, thought I was heading to the science place, you know, where Banner and Stark hang. Turns out Stark gave me the wrong directions, oh well, it happens, but look who we have here. Is there a reason, _Director, _that the giant, mentally challenged reindeer, who just so tried to take over the world a few months ago, is sitting in the Helicarrier?"  
Fury's eye twitched as Barton cut out the words, his tone mocking, and his face completely serious, keeping eye contact with the God while aiming his words at Fury.

"This is a Level Eight meeting, Agent Barton, which does not concern you, so if you could-"

Fury was cut off once again, to his complete and utter bemusement, as Loki snarled, pointing his staff threateningly at his agent.

"How dare you talk to me in that manner, you mortal. I am Loki, and I-"  
"Yeah, well, I don't really give a flying fuck who you are, you _played around with my brain-"_

"Still holding grudges are we, Agent? How professional."

"You made me _murder my teammates, _you sick son of a bitch-"

"Do you know of whom you are insulting, Midguardian? I am a God, and I refuse to listen to your childish, petty-"  
"ENOUGH!"

Barton and Loki both whirled around, twin expressions of scorn on their faces as Fury finally put his foot down.

"You are both acting like five year olds. Agent, you leave this room right at this moment. That is an order. You and I will be discussing this later. Loki-"  
Loki glowered, the tip of his staff glowing an eerie green. "Five year olds, Director Fury? I came to your pathetic planet today as a gesture of peace. However, I find myself somewhat… _aggravated _by the reception I have been given. And we all know what happens, Director, when I get aggravated. Your precious Avengers will pay for how I have been slighted today."  
Fury stood still, watching as Barton's eyes widened before a huge shockwave of green light swept through the ship, sweeping both SHIELD agents off their feet before Loki cackled and disappeared from their view. 


End file.
